(Today I'm sharing a bitter-sweet memory, but also am throwing in a little PSA while I'm at it!)
When our oldest son Trusten turned 3, we took him to his first eye appointment...not because we thought anything was wrong, but because our state offers a free eye exam to kids ages 3-4.
So we went in,
just thinking this was a fun little field trip (hence the camera)...I even remember thinking
"this will make a good story for my blog"...but they never made my blog until now, because it became such a sensitive subject for me.
You see, the "fun" appointment ended with me in tears finding out that Trusten needed glasses immediately. In fact, the doctor felt he needed them so quickly that the office paid to overnight them (once we finally got them ordered).
But let's back up a bit...
Once the exam was over, I was shocked when the doctor came back in and almost congratulated me for bringing Trusten in when I did. He said if we would have waited until the typical time for a first eye exam (6-7 years)
he most likely would have already been going blind in one eye.
The doctor then put lenses up to my eye to show me how my little man had been seeing for those first 3 years of his life. I broke down right there...I had no idea!
But what was more devastating to me, was that TRUSTEN had no idea. He didn't know any different than what his eyes saw. Blurry and dark was just what he thought the world looked like. He didn't know to tell us something was wrong...
We found out Trusten had a type of
accomodative estropia yet because it was so slight (which is actually the worse, because it's so severe but harder to see with the naked eye) that we never noticed it.
I came home feeling waves of guilt, sadness, empathy, anger and worry.
I called my mom and one of my sisters and just bawled...
I can't explain it, but it felt like my world just kinda stopped right then and there. I think some of the extremity of it all, was that I went into the appointment thinking it was just a fun check off of a list, but then to find out that my child's sight might have been changed forever had I not taken him in was almost too much for me!
It was just so unexpected! And then having the doctor SHOW me what my son had been seeing his whole life was truly heart-breaking!
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| Trusten with his brand new eyes! |
I still have a lot of hurt I carry from some specific comments about how hard I was taking the whole situation and didn't I realize it wasn't "the end of the world"...that a lot of kids are in much worse situations...
So please, don't get me wrong...I know I am blessed that my son doesn't have a chronic disease. I know I am blessed that this doesn't change his life span. I know all that...
But at the same time I feel like my world did change a bit that day.
It almost feels like in those few short minutes in the exam room, I went from the naive, happy-go-lucky, "my kids are invincible" momma to a more cautious, more aware, more knowledgeable momma that doesn't take things for granted any more.
I am forever thankful the Lord laid it on my heart to take Trusten in for what seemed to be just a routine exam.
I am forever thankful that the Lord really does love my little man even more than I do (though it's so hard to believe sometimes!)
And I'm forever thankful that the Lord knows my kids better than me...He is their Creator after all and nothing takes him by surprise...even when I am taken by surprise!
Yesterday Trusten got his newest pair of glasses...they are his strongest prescription yet (every 6 months they've been increasing his prescription so as to let his eyes accommodate to the power of them, because putting him straight into his correct prescription right away would have done more harm).
So while I'm so thankful that there is an answer to his diagnosis, I must admit...
I miss his naked eyes. I type that sentence in tears.
I miss seeing his sweet brown eyes...not hiding, not magnified, not disguised, but just his God-given, naked eyes.
But, he's still such a handsome little guy either way (even when he's been goofy for a picture!)
Oh so what about the PSA? Here it is: Take your kids in for an eye appointment SOONER than later!
(((Sorry for the long post, but blessings to any of you who really read it all--it was an emotional post for me!)))
Once you have the meatballs made, we like to let them simmer in spaghetti sauce on the stove.
