Sunday, May 9, 2010

"Not The Mothers Day I Was Expecting It To Be" (and MckLinky Monday)

I'll be honest...this Mothers Day has been a hard one for me.  I was not prepared for it...and even though I knew it was Mothers Day, I was kinda taken off guard by it.  In fact, I cried most of the morning...and not tears of joy...

My sweet husband let me sleep in, so I awoke to some VERY happy boys who had been waiting for me all morning long!

As I walked out of my bedroom, they all chimed "Happy Mothers Time Day" in rounds (still used to saying "Happy Valen-Times Day!") and greeted me with big hugs.  My heart was overjoyed!

Then I see a HUGE box sitting on our front room "coffee table" (an old chest we keep our board games in).  Again, my heart was overjoyed to see that my boys (and Liberty!) had bought me a brand new, fancy set of cookware!!!  Pots, pans, dream come true!!!  I have been wanting a new set for a while, but haven't said anything because I know how expensive these can be!

But my hubby (have I mentioned he's the best in the world?) had noticed (see I told you he was the best!) that I needed new cookware, so he took the initiative to buy me an entire 12 piece, commercial grade set!  Wanna know my favorite thing about this gift?  They range in size from small to HUGE (so bring on the big family, Lord!!!)

Then came the best part...the hardest part... My hubby handed me a DVD with "Happy Mothers Day 2010" written on it.  We popped it in the DVD player and it was a video card!

My hubby had taped each one of the boys telling me Happy Mothers Day, what they love about me, what they like to do with me, their favorite thing about me, etc. etc.  Trusten even sang a song he wrote for me!

I bawled...seriously, bawled.  Now, if you know me, you know I cry easily...but rarely do I full-out bawl.

As I watched the amazing video he put together (with an amazing Chopin piece as the background music) I felt so completely and utterly unworthy.  It was not a good feeling.  Then the video ended with Proverbs 31:28-31...If it hadn't been for my boys (who were so thrilled to finally show me their video card) I probably would have run out of the room crying, "no, this is too much...really TOO much."  

I wasn't being modest...nor am I trying to be now, I just honestly could not handle all that they were saying.

This morning as they showered me with love and compliments, I was so very aware of all my short-comings.  I felt like a hypocrite as I watched my children talk about how and why they love me.

"I don't deserve this love!", I thought.  "How can they love me so freely when I lose my temper so often?"  "These kids deserve a mom who doesn't put herself first and grumble when things don't go her way"  The thoughts went on and on.

As the video ended, my kids ran into the dining room for what else, but DONUTS!  (My favorite!)  I walked into the kitchen with my hubby and as he hugged me, I cried some more.  He asked about my tears...knowing they were different than tears of joy.  

I explained to him that I felt unworthy and that I just know I have SO much to work on.  He just hugged me and told me I didn't have to feel worthy of it...that they just loved me...and that none of us should ever feel worthy...but that we should always be desiring to be more than we currently are.

I said "okay", smiled and headed to the dining room, but was still in turmoil.  Eating the donuts, I thought about his words, and tried to let the Truth sink in.  But I still felt  I haven't been being the mom that my boys deserve.

So we finished breakfast, took a quick picture of Liberty and I...
(can you tell my eyes are swollen from crying?)
and headed off to church.

The minute the music began, I started feeling better.  I felt the Lord...He was comforting me and sheltering me.  I knew He wanted to speak to me.  So as I wrestled with Liberty (she was really squirmy this morning!), I waited on Him to speak.

Then we started to sing,

"You amaze me.
You amaze me
and I'm overwhelmed by your great love and mercy.
You amaze me."

And that's when I realized I am nothing without His mercy.  I need it everyday.  I may not be the mom I want to me, but I will never get there without God's mercy.

I am a work in progress.  He has began a good work in me and He will faithfully complete it, but I can't expect to just sit by and watch him complete it.  I need to be actively trying to become what He wants me to be...and NEVER settle.  And that's been the problem...I think I've been settling.  That was the guilt I felt...I think I've been giving myself a few too many pats on the back, buying the lie that I've done "good enough" for the day or the week and I don't need to strive or try any more.

And what a great lie from the enemy!  I mean, what other lie would he want me to believe, than one that can get me to stop striving and to just settle.  He doesn't want me to grow anymore.  He doesn't want my kids to be blessed anymore.  He wants all of it to stop...and, what's more, He hopes to even see me loose some ground.

So more than ever, I need the Lords great mercy!!!  I need His mercy to cover over the areas where I lack...and to help me when I've taken my eyes off of Him.

Lord, you TRULY do amaze me!
Thank you that today, when I was overwhelmed by my weaknesses and by what I don't deserve, You showed me your love and mercy.  
Thank you that you reminded me to be "overhelmed" by you...and not myself.  
I need your mercy to help me take my eyes off my victories and my defeats, my accomplishments and my guilt.  
Help me, Lord, to seek your mercies in my mothering...I need you Lord so that I never feel "worthy"...but always be striving, reaching, growing.
After church we went out to lunch, then came home to take some more pictures...

We ended up having a WONDERFUL day!  I truly am a blessed Momma!
My favorite quote of the day was Trusten when he said,
"Momma I love you too much to love you just a little bit"

And the day's not over yet!  Once the boys wake up from naps, we're having a cookout and spending the evening outside, playing!

Editing to add: My Mothers Day just got even better!  I won a giveaway over at my friend Jill's blog!  I think I'm gonna choose the framed hymn with cross!  So excited!

This post is also linked to: Momentous Monday and Mom and Me Monday
PhotobucketBWS tips button
Now it's YOUR TURN!!!  Link up YOUR Mothers Day post below...(and be sure to visit the others who linked up their posts!  It's a great way to get to know some new bloggin' friends!)


Amy Matthews said...

What a post. I cried. I have settled too and for soooo much less than God has for me.

JillAileenJones said...

Great Post Grace-made me cry. Mother's Day always makes me emotional though-I cry at commercials though so I guess you could say I cry pretty easy, but today at church I got really misty eyed quite a few times. Not only am I blessed as a mom but just over the last few years all the things God has seen us through and how blessed we have been even through the times that seem like real trials at the time and how God has brought us through and He has blessed me even then.
Mother's Day always makes me stop and think of the two miscarriages I had too and those babies that are in heaven with my mother-in-law and at Jesus feet and who they are and what they are like and that someday I will get to hold them and see them for the first time-so that makes me a little misty eyed too. I too, looked at my kids today and thought God did you know what you were doing? Did I really deserve these kids and am I doing the best job I can and will they grow up and remember good things about me-fun things about me-godly things about me? I hope and pray so.
From your posts I can tell you have a mother's heart-one that is caring and loving for those precious babies of yours-they are blessed just as much as you are!
PS-You must check my site-the winners are on there!

Shonda said...

What a special mother's day for you!

JillAileenJones said...

So glad that you won too! Your name got picked 3rd and I was really hoping you would be one of the winners cause you were so sweet about my whole giveaway and so enthusiastic about it all-made me feel good! So just let me know what hymn and what color scheme you would like for your house.
Happy Day to you!

Jingle said...

your words touch,
your smiles melt...
Happy Belated Mother's Day!

croleyc69 said...

What a great day and it made me cry happy tears !! Thanx for sharing !!

Anonymous said...

Grace, what a wonderful post! I feel like that often. I think I will link to your post from my blog if you don't mind, but as I'm heading out to work now it won't be until later. You have given me a lot to think about on my drive, thanks!

Sara said...

Thank you for posting this. I too am realizing more and more everyday how short I fall and how much I actually settle for doing less. God has really been challenging my heart and reminding me as well to not settle. To not lose sight of who he is and to grow and change and strive. This was so encouraging to me as a new mommy still of God's great grace he has for mother's.

Julie said...

Grace, what an honest post. I feel that way so many times. I am thankful for God's grace everyday...and that his mercies are NEW every morning!

It sounds like you have such a special family. You are loved. What wonderful treat they gave you. You are truly blessed.

Love the pictures.
Thanks for joining in today!

Julie said...

p.s...I just went to follow you and I'm the 100th!! yipee!

Arizona Mamma said...

I love what your husaband said to you. What a wonderful way to look at it when we aren't feeling worthy of the love they so freely give. I love this post. Thanks for sharing so much of your heart.

Tiffany said...

Oh, we all fall so short, don't we? And Satan just loves bringing those shortcoming to our mind allowing us to dwell on them. But you are right God is merciful and gracious, and with his help he can make us into the mommy He desires us to be. Beautiful post! Thanks for linking up!

Amelia@MyTwoRedheads said...

What a sweet post! How blessed you are to have a family so loving and they sound blessed as well to have a Momma like you!

DORCAS said...

That is beautiful! *tears* . Thank you for sharing. So so true! Wow! His love and mercy! God is sooo good!



Laura said...

What a beautiful family you have! Your children are precious!

Cheri Bunch said...

Isn't it awesome, Grace, that the Lord will bless our children to learn from our imperfections. He will restore all things, sweetie! We need to show them that He is God, not us. It is good for them to see that in our weakness He is strong and He is the one that we lean on and He is the one that will never fail them.
You are one of the very best mothers I know. The best of mothers have rough moments and hard days ... but they live repentant, faithful lives and that is what makes their ministry powerful and beautiful for their families. There needs to be reality in day to day living experiences or they will be shocked to learn of the harshness of real life.

I love you! You are a beautiful handmaiden of the Lord. I wish I would have known you when I was mothering my toddlers. I would have learned so much from you!

May the Lord continue to bless the work of your hands, sweet Grace. (Psalm 90:17)

I believe the Lord is very pleased with your desire for excellence. He will take you there. That is what your children will remember and treasure when as adults they thank Him for you.

melanie:::adorkable said...

that is such an incredible post. Thank you for sharing with such candid honesty. And while I don't have babies (yet!!) I can imagine the feelings of inadequacy that I struggle with now cropping up in moments like that. What a blessing that you have such a godly husband to support you and remind you of the wonderful creature you are!


Jingle said...

awards for u.
Happy Tuesday!

Lynnette Kraft said...

Ah, you sweet, humble mommy. I think a momma would be weird if she didn't feel at least some of what you felt that morning. I feel that way on a regular basis.

The stresses of a momma (especially to all young ones) are many, but the children don't feel them like momma does. They just feel love. They practically smother us to let us know they love us. The blessings far outweigh any of the stress though huh? I think your video proves that.

You do deserve their love! Regardless of how you feel, you love your children and they apparently feel that very easily. They might not be able to understand ALL that you do, but they know of your sacrifices for them... at least to some degree - God knows it all! So, just praise God Grace. You are blessed.


Staci said...

Hi Grace, I'm new to your blog and just read this today, 12-23. It's not even close to mothers day anymore, but this post hit me just where I needed it. Thank you for sharing and for being so candid and real about yourself. You've blessed me so much today, and to God be the glory. Thank you!

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